


Tough

by shinysparks



Series: Tough [1]
Category: Robin Hood (BBC 2006)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-20
Updated: 2013-09-20
Packaged: 2017-12-27 03:06:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/973574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinysparks/pseuds/shinysparks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Pull your pants down, Guy.” Meg ordered, as she knelt down on the floor of the small cave she and Guy had taken shelter in to escape the raging storm outside.</p><p>Guy turn around and stared back at her both nervously and incredulously.</p><p>“W...why?” He mumbled.<br/>“So I can treat your wound.”<br/>“B... but...”<br/>“Don’t tell me you’re shy! Honestly. I trained with a midwife. Well, okay: I ran off and hid at the midwife’s house to escape from all those idiotic suitors my father found, but I did learn a few things!” Meg said. “First rule of healing: if you’ve seen one bare arse, you’ve see them all. Now, drop ‘em.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tough

**Author's Note:**

> I had hoped for this to be longer and with a better, more cracky ending, but I wrote it on the 4th of July, and with fireworks going on in the background, I couldn't really concentrate very well. :(

“Pull your pants down, Guy.” Meg ordered, as she knelt down on the floor of the small cave she and Guy had taken shelter in to escape the raging storm outside.

Guy turn around and stared back at her both nervously and incredulously.

“W...why?” He mumbled.  
“So I can treat your wound.”  
“B... but...”  
“Don’t tell me you’re shy! Honestly. I trained with a midwife. Well, okay: I ran off and hid at the midwife’s house to escape from all those idiotic suitors my father found, but I did learn a few things!” Meg said. “First rule of healing: if you’ve seen one bare arse, you’ve see them all. Now, drop ‘em.”

Guy groaned, struggling to pull off his belt, scabbard, and then finally, inching his tight brown pants down to his ankles. He then quickly pulled off his black, linen shirt, balled it up and stuck it over his manhood, just in case.

“Hmm... I take that back. Your arse is finer than most.” Meg said, staring down at Guy’s bare bottom, smiling. “Oh, look... you’re blushing! How cute.”  
“The wound.” Guy moaned, burying his face in his free hand as his bum continued to turn red. “How bad?”  
“Eh... let’s just say you’re quite lucky those guards are so inept.” She said. “Any higher, and I probably would’ve been out there in the rain, digging your grave.”  
“And whining about being wet, how hard the ground is, how you’re getting dirt under your nails and blisters, how heavy my corpse is...”

Meg slapped Guy on the bottom, causing him to yelp and jump.

“Please, I am NOT that bad.” She said, causing Guy to turn his head around and eye her suspiciously. Meg rolled her eyes. “Oh come on, I’m not used to this kind of life, you know!”  
“Best get used to it.” Guy told her. “We’re outlaws now. You’re going to have to be tough.”  
“Fine. I can be tough.” She said, turn around and grabbing a large cloak from their stash of stolen supplies they’d procured after escaping from the castle. She spread it on the cold, stone floor of the cave, and then sternly pointed at it. “Lay down, soldier, so I can clean out the large, gaping hole in your butt.”

Guy smirked at her, before carefully kneeling down on the cloak.

“Yes, ma’am.” He said.

*** 

“OWWWW!” Guy yelped, squirming around.  
“Quit fidgeting!” Meg ordered.  
“WHAT IN GOD’S NAME ARE YOU DOING BACK THERE?!”  
“I’M EMBROIDERING MY NAME ON YOUR ARSE! WHAT DO YOU THINK I’M DOING?!” Meg shot back.  
“Can’t you go any faster?!”  
“This was your idea, Guy! I still think we could’ve heated up your sword enough with the lantern to cauterize this damned thing; but, noooo... you wanted to try stitches, just like the Saracens do in the Holy Land!”  
“Seemed like a good idea at the time.” Guy moaned, burying his head in his arms.  
“Famous last words, Guy.” Meg replied. “Besides, I’m almost done with the ‘E.’”

Guy sat his head back up and blinked.

“You’re not _really_ embroidering your name on my arse, are you?”

Meg just giggled.

*** 

Guy took another long drink of alcohol out of a large, half-painted clay jug.

“I really, really, really don’t think this stuff is working.” He said, with a slight hiccup, “I mean... I’m a bit tipsy, don’tgetmewrong. But this? This... isn’t doing a damned thing for the pain... _hic._ I reallyreallyreally shouldn’t have tried to - _hic!_ \- drink away all of my problems earlier in the year. It’s made me immune or something, I swear... _hic!_ My arse hurts, Megsie-poo...”

Meg growled.

“Oh great. You’ve drank up half of our antiseptic!” She said, snatching the jug out of his hand.  
“Anti... what?” Guy said, with another hiccup.  
“This.” She said, pouring the remainder of the contents onto his newly-stitched wound.

“GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!” Guy yelled, writhing on the cloak as tears began to fall down his cheeks. “OH DEAR LORD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY ARSE, MEG!!! IT BURNS, IT BURNS!!!”  
“If you keep whining and screaming, I’m _so_ going to gag you, you big, half-witted snothead!”

Guy turned and looked up at her, his eyes filled with tears.

“You know, I think I know which midwife you trained with...” He muttered.

*** 

“I’m cold, Meg.” Guy said, staring blankly out of the cave as Meg finished bandaging his newly stitched wound.

Meg sighed, placing her hand on his forehead.

“Yeah, you’ve got a fever.” She said. “Had a feeling that might happen. I don’t suppose the guards often clean the blades of their pikes, after all.”

Guy started to shake from the severe chills.

“You should go on.” He said, teeth chattering. “I’ll just slow you down... get you captured.”  
“Shut up.” Meg told him as she took a knife and began to peel a bulb of garlic.  
“I’m serious. I... I don’t want any more deaths on my conscience. I have enough nightmares, and if we’re caught...”

Meg rolled her eyes.

“Eat this. It’ll help you.” She said, feeding Guy a clove of garlic.

He immediately spit it out. “Oh god, that’s foul...”

“Alright, you have two options here. The garlic will help with your fever and you are taking it one way or another. _How_ you take it is up to you.” She growled, showing him another clove of garlic. “You can either swallow your medicine like a good little soldier, or I can find another place to put it. And I assure you, you will not like where I’m going to put it.”

Guy stared at her for a moment, before grudgingly taking the clove of garlic and chewing it, wincing all the while. Meg poured him a cup of cool water, and helped him to drink it down, washing away the foulness. She then handed him three more cloves of garlic to swallow, along with more water. He took each one, nearly gagging on the last.

Grabbing a blanket, Meg knelt down behind Guy and threw it over them both.

“What are you doing?” Guy asked, his teeth still chattering.  
“Keeping you warm.” She replied, snuggling up to him. “Warm thoughts, Guy. Warm thoughts.”

Meg held onto Guy tightly, hoping to stop him from shaking so badly.

“It’s just... it’s not safe. The guards will be back in the morning... hunting us. You should go... run away. Save... yourself.”

Meg scoffed.

“I am not going anywhere.” She said, kissing him on the cheek. “Best get used to it.”


End file.
